MaMaLiRZ

I was nervous and uncomfortable sharing my quest63in365. Uncomfortable because I was thinking so much about other people’s opinions. For so long in my life, I’ve just wanted to: not disappoint; hold the standard; live up to others’ expectations. But what I’m learning through this growth is that all the expectations and standards were my own reflected like a mirror rather than anyone’s own opinion. Somewhere along the line I transferred my disappointment, my standards and my expectations to others and then blamed them for holding me to a standard that I was not living up to in my eyes, not theirs.

I need to release the expectations. Decide my purpose. Stop being governed by the definition of my job as if something can define someone. I want to have the deeper conversations, not about the car you drive or the watch on your wrist, but rather about what your dreams are and what remains unchecked on your bucket list.

I was recently having this conversation with my mom. Conversations I normally had with my dad before he passed on the daily through a phone call or text message. It became his thing and perhaps the ‘thing’ I miss the most, beyond the hug, quiet understanding, belief…the daily nothings and every things, as if they are one in the same. You see, with my work overseas the majority of my conversations were had over the phone with my parents. Mom didn’t like talking on the phone and was happy to receive the information second hand through Dad or by speaker phone. So, when dad became ill and subsequently died a few months later, mom and I had to reinvent our relationship. Learn how to communicate. Learn what mattered to one another. I had to learn how to be a friend to a mother and a daughter to a friend.

The conversation started something like this. [It helps that we live within a close drive of one another now, so the majority of the conversations happen face to face.]

Me: Mom, I know it sounds crazy but I’m going to embark on something I’m calling the quest63in365 ish. (Probably not the first time she heard a hair-brain idea come out of my mouth.) I’m going to travel to the 63 US National Parks in 365 days or so.

Her response surprised me: “Its not crazy at all, I think its a great idea…”

She met me with grace and the quiet understanding of a woman who lived her life with both lingering disappointed and pride of accomplishment.

Thank you mom. You may never know how your belief in me, in that moment, sparked an ember within my heart I hadn’t known was about to extinguish.

We continued on about why I’m doing it, how I feel driven to see where this takes me and how I have a steep learning curve to making this successful. But slowly we got to the meat and potatoes, we started talking openly and explored our hearts and dreams.

Mom, what’s important to you now? Dad’s passed, you’re on your own for the first time in over 50 years, who do you want to be, what are your bucket list items? Run on sentences spewing from my mouth so excited to be subsurface. Telling myself that I need to stop asking questions to hear the answers, I took a breath forcing a pause.

Her response came in a shy-voice afraid to be heard, I felt as if it was from the little girl still inside of her. “I always wanted to ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon on a mule”. Her giggle was infectious. The words slipping from her mouth with trepidation or fear of being laughed at but like a new-born baby, demanding to be heard. Machu Picchu came next and the conversation continued. Flowing freely and without judgement from either of us. Awareness on both of our behalf, of the women we’ve become. No longer defined by work, marriage, or another. Raw, unadulterated, self.

A few days after that conversation, I sat down to plan pieces of future trips. I find it easier to map them out, evaluate the amount of time required to adequately see each park, and then let it sit for a couple days and see if I still feel the same about the trip or if I need to tweak it here or there. I was working on the November trip prior to fall break for school and Thanksgiving. Maybe it was foreshadowing from my mom’s conversation, maybe lessons learned from Bucket List conversations with my Dad in his last month, but I knew I wanted to help my mom with a Bucket List checkmark, so mull rides it is to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

As sometimes happens when someone hears you even when you mention things unassumingly, her giggle turned to chuckle this time, when I asked her if she wanted to come along. Her answer was a resounding yes. At 77, November 21, 2025, she’ll have one less item on her bucket list, and my kids will have a memory with their grandmother that will last their lifetimes!

August: The Badlands and Wind Caves

October: Joshua Tree and Death Valley

November: The Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest, Mesa Verde, Saguaro, and White Sands

December: Hawaii and the American Samoa OR all California Parks

July 2026: 8 Parks in Alaska